If you prefer to read, here is the transcription of the video

Hello! Today I want to talk to you about my journey to motherhood. This is a personal story. But I want to share it with you because maybe you recognize yourself in in my story or in part of my story. And maybe this story is also inspiring for you or encouraging to accept the journey you're going through, yourself.

I wanted to be a mom for a very long time. And I was already with my partner for something like six months. And I knew that I want him to be the father of my kids. And I had a dilemma. Am I telling him this or am I waiting for him to be ready? I didn't want to just know something so important and not share it with him. But I didn't know how exactly to share it in a way that I don't scare him away. We were six months in a relationship. We were more dating than being in a relationship and then saying something like “I'm ready for kids” can be pretty scary for many men. But on the other hand, I also didn't want to sit and wait. I wanted to tell him where I was at. So I remember it was a morning and we were laying in bed and it was nice and cozy and relaxed. And I decided, okay, this is the moment I'm going to share it now. And I said to him, “Rogier, I think you are the man I want to have kids from, and I feel that I'm ready for it. And I realize that it's very early to say something like this. But I want you to know that I don't expect you to say yes now. I just want to share what I feel and where I am. And I want to share that I trust you and that I feel comfortable and that I choose you. And of course, it's important what you say but I am not saying it to scare you away or to say that I want it now.” And this was super scary to say I was sweaty, and I was really anxious to hear what he has to say. His answer was that he wants to have kids in general and that, yes, he does see me as a potential mom of his kids, but we have so many things to experience first together, like first Christmas together or traveling together and so on. And it was amazing to do it. I felt so vulnerable and so exposed to say something my heart was so clearly ready for and it was so scary to say. But I felt that this brought another level of depth in our relationship because of my honesty and because of the not having the expectation of anything.

From the moment I told him that I'm ready to be a mom till the time it actually happened few years have passed. With time I became a little bit more impatient and even anxious, like, will it really happen? Time is passing by and I am in my mid thirties and yeah, he did mention that he wants to have kids with me, but he doesn't seem to be ready. And I started being a little bit more, let's say indicating explicitly and less explicitly that I'm ready and that I want it and when are you going to be ready?

And I remember I was sitting in in a waiting room on the airport in Ljubljana. My flight was delayed for ten times. It was chaos on the airport. I was tired and hungry and in a bad mood, and I called him. And at this moment, I was like, “And when are you going to be ready for four kids?”

I don't know why at this moment. I really felt like I want to ask this. And I did. And he was like “ yeah, maybe after the summer vacation, we can start trying.” At the moment he said it, like, my mood immediately improved. I was so happy. And I remember the moment he said it, something in me has relaxed. The feeling was like, I'm chosen, like it's going to happen. And it's very difficult to explain. But suddenly there is a new level of feeling accepted, of feeling close. Something big is happening to us. How they explain it is with 3 stages of the relationship. When you first meet, you are like this really close in front of each other. You're really into each other. You cannot even go apart. And then it's time you separate a little bit. You move a little away and you start seeing each other and you see your qualities but also the mistakes we are doing. And you start seeing the other one with his bad habits or bad moods. And in this stage of the relationship, many relationships fail because the person we fell in love with when we were so close to each other in the first months and there was so much passion and energy and attraction, after this first period, many people realize who they are really with.

And they separate. The third stage of the relationship would be the two people to start looking in the same direction. And this is actually what I felt, you know, that from us looking at each other in this state of our relationship, we are moving towards looking in the same direction, basically building future together and future, which is important and meaningful and special for the two of us.

So it was amazing journey and yes I got pregnant. And I remember being super excited about it and very happy and extremely tired. And I'm an active person. I am dynamic. I have a lot of ideas and I do a lot of things like normally my days are busy and suddenly I'm pregnant. And in my first, trimester I was looking for the couch all the time.

And just like a friend of mine was explaining when she was pregnant, she was crossing the street on the zebra and she was she was thinking, “Oh, I can actually fall asleep even crossing the street.” So this for me was a very good metaphor or a comparison to how I was feeling. I was doing part or most of my usual activities, but I was feeling like I can fall asleep at any moment. I was not comfortable with this, , for somebody who is so active and dynamic, being tired was super annoying and I could not force my body to do as much and as many things I was used to. And there was this constant, an inner battle and a struggle: on one hand saying to myself, my body needs to rest and I need to let go and I need to allow it. And on the other hand, my mind goes, “Yeah, but how can you relax? There are so many things you need to do. “And in my mind, there are those enormous really long to do lists and all the things which I actually want to do, not just my to do list, but I was physically not capable. So it was difficult periods to accept that I need to slow down.

I like the idea of slowing down, but when it is coming from my decision and not when I'm forced to slow down. And then the first three months passed and I move to the second trimester and I was not tired anymore. I was active. I was walking very often outside. I was doing pregnancy yoga, going to the gym.

It was amazing. I was feeling energetic, I was feeling happy. My belly started to show. Something very special happens to the pregnant women. The fact that life is developing in the womb, feels her up. And this is something which the woman's heart is longing for. The woman wants to be filled up and filled up with love, filled up with meaning, filled up with significance, filled up with, you know, love mainly.

And when a woman is pregnant, she is really full. And the feeling is like everything is just fine. You know, even if you have some mood swings and difficult moments with food or not being able to sleep like there is a feeling like something in me is growing and it's filling me up and it's so beautiful and so comforting.

And I remember already walking on the streets and having a bigger belly and I was feeling so proud of myself and I was feeling so special. You know, I was walking on the streets and I was thinking, “I really like this. Do people see that I'm pregnant and in what beautiful state I'm in?” Like, the feeling for me was something like pride, “I can do this, my body can do this.”. And I'm blessed with, actually growing life in me. And this together with this fullness of my heart, maybe this was the happiest period in my life. Although looking back at my life, I've been always a happy person, and I'm moving from one happy period to another one also because I chose to look at the bright side of the things which are happening, but like this combination of how my body was feeling physically and how my heart was full and how my mind was relaxed because I was chosen, I'm going to be a mom and it was just a beautiful transition to relax into it and start preparing for a next stage in my life.

And then something unexpectedly happened. I was working. I was working till four weeks before my due date. And in my last working day, in the last hour of my working day, my waters broke and this completely surprised and shocked us because it was a little bit too early. I was planning for few weeks without work, where I would prepare for the baby and I would be able to relax. And I was actually really working till the last moment before the birth started. So I had troubles letting go of the idea of being pregnant. It was a little bit too sudden I was not ready yet to meet my baby, and it was a very interesting journey from this moment of the breaking of the waters till I actually became a mom. There was one week in between and quite some transformation happened in myself and in the level of acceptance I was experiencing. Like while at the very beginning I was really resisting the reality. At the end of this one week, I was so ready to welcome whatever is happening because I, I realized I'm out of control.

And it's not just a mental construction saying “I'm out of control.” I really felt how I have no idea when the baby will come. I was with contractions for four days. I was in and out of hospital and at some point I was so done with having emotions around it. That I just relaxed into what is and it brought me the most incredible birth experience.

So I'm going to share about my birth story in another video. This one was really about the transformation I have experienced from, you know, wanting to be a mom to becoming a mom and the highlights of my emotional state. For having so happy, positive birth experience contributed the fact that I was feeling healthy, I was active, I was taking care of myself in the best possible way for me at that moment. I was reading good books. I was, like looking at inspiring information. I was preparing for an orgasmic birth. This is what I wanted. I didn't want to have those horror stories. I didn't want to hear them. I didn't want to have any of those. I wanted to have a blissful birth. And I was throughout my whole pregnancy, I was preparing for it.

And under this video, I'm going to share with you a PDF file if you're interested into what exactly I was doing to prepare for the blissful birth, which I had experienced and the daily activities and the books I've read and the resources I was using and the videos and courses and supplements…basically how I was preparing my mind and my body and my emotions for unforgettable and beautiful birth.

All this you can find in the PDF under this video. I hope that what I have shared with you is inspiring you or you just recognize part of what you are experiencing or what you have experienced in in my story. Thank you for your time.