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How becoming a mom has changed me

7 May 20227 mins to read

Here are the contact details of my doulas:

  • Ombretta Dettori
  • Sophie Bos

You want my pregnancy management guide?

I've created for myself an overview of everything I've done during my pregnancy to prepare for an ecstatic birth. My experience was so beautiful and empowering that I wanted to make sure that I follow the same pregnancy management and birth preparation steps for (hopefully) my next pregnancy. But I got asked a lot about it, so I've decided to share it. It is an overview of the books I've read, the mobile apps I was using, the movies I've seen, the supplements I was taking, a list with (free) online resources, and maybe most importantly my daily routine

Yes, I want it!

If you prefer to read, here is the transcription of the video

Hello. Today, I want to share with you how becoming a mom has changed me as a woman. I'm not sure whether this will be useful in any particular way to you, but I hope that by giving my perspective, maybe you recognize yourself, or maybe just today, you need to hear this point of view of what motherhood adds to us as women.

The first thing which is really different about me, I think, if I compare myself from the moment before being a mom and now, is the confidence that I can do everything, that I have so much strength. There is so much wisdom in my body. There is so much potential and creativity in me as a woman. And I believe in every woman. After being through the journey of being pregnant, having contractions for four days and having actual birthing journey of 12 hours, having a baby coming out of my vagina, I feel so much more powerful and so much more strong and complete.

It's very difficult to find the right words because it's, it's not something I can really put my finger on. It's much more a feeling of “I can do much more than I thought I can”. So, this is the first thing. The second one, is my trust. My trust in the universe, in my body. And the wisdom of my body, of how we are created, of how the right things happen in the right moments.

The trust that there is something bigger than us, something which helps us, guides us and if we don't step on its way, actually very beautiful things can come out. Less we try to control our life and our bodies and life in general, I think. happier and more fulfilled we would feel. Waying this actually reminds me of something I've heard from Adyashanti, a beautiful spiritual teacher. So, he was giving a metaphor of life and how we live our life. He was telling that coming to live here, is like being born here in these bodies and immediately receiving a car, our vehicle through life. But nobody really taught us how to drive that car. We're driving those cars and we see everybody has a car and everybody has somewhat, disturbed journey. abrupt stopping, accelerating, stopping, having little crashes. There are accidents, struggling to steer the car in the direction which we want. There is resistance and struggle in general. And every now and then, if you look at the traffic of those cars, which is, of course, again, the metaphor of us living, you would see a car which moves very smoothly, with ease through the traffic And if you look at this car, what you will notice is that the driver, the person is actually not on the steering wheel, but on the seat next to the driver's seat. So what it means is that the least we try to control our life and more acceptance we practice, smoother our journey will be. I have heard this the years ago, but only during my birth and after my birth experience, I've actually realized what it means.

And I have felt it with all my being because throughout the birthing process, I could not be in control. And if I would try, I would suffer. But if I let go and when I did let go, it was a beautiful process. And a beautiful journey. And I will tell you all about my birth experience in another video, but this is something which I wanted to share as my second thing out of my list with how I have changed after becoming a mom. I’ve got this trust. This needs to be less in control and more allowing things to happen and to come.

The third thing is that my brain does not work the same way. I used to have a very sharp memory and remember many things from the past, the small details, dates I've planned something ahead and yeah, this kind of started to disappear when I was pregnant and I was completely gone after I gave birth.

I don't know if my memory will ever be the same. I don't trust my memory anymore. I don't mind it that that much. I just had to let go of the image I had of myself because I was really seeing myself as somebody with very good memory. And now I don't trust it anymore. I trust the memory of my partner more than I trust mine. And again, I don't find this that bad. I feel even, a little bit lighter that I don't need to think and retain all those details and small things in my head. We all have our phones where we can make notes in and our agendas, where we put our appointments. We don't need to keep all this in our mind. I feel that this gives me space to stay focused on the things which are really important rather than, you know, trying to contain all this information. So this was the third thing that was different.

And the fourth one was me as a woman, as a lover. I remember that I was pregnant and something which I was very afraid of is how will I feel as a woman when I'm a mom and will my partner still see me as a woman, as a lover, or will I be just a mom? And I was afraid of that. This was one of the scariest things throughout the pregnancy, which was bothering me. And what I've noticed is that I trusted my body. And I so much loved the process of being pregnant and my body changing. And I so embraced all of it. You know, the tiredness, the fact that I did not sleep that well at the end, the fact that, I was walking and it was hard to breathe at times…all those little things which are part of being pregnant I’ve embraced them and I did not resist them.

My body was changing enormously. Even in the first trimester. I already had realized that, oh, I really need to change my lingerie. What I was wearing before does not fit me anymore. Now I need a bigger size. I was getting much, much bigger. And all this I took lightly. And because I embraced the changes which were happening in my body, I kind of also embraced the way I was feeling as a woman then.

And, I’ve stay active, physically active, moving a lot, feeling healthy, really helped me to see the process and this journey and what is happening to me and to my body as something beautiful and something which is really worth appreciating. So this helped a lot when, throughout the pregnancy and after the birth we had our intimate moments because I was not resisting how my body was and I was not resisting who I was. The other way around.

I felt like something has enriched me. I've seen a very different side of myself as a woman and this has added to my experience. Something I was afraid of was, will he see me as a lover again? And how will I feel? But my partner, he was in the same room while I was giving birth. He was next to me all the time. He was part of this process together with me. We became parents together and I so much trusted him. I appreciated so much his presence and all his efforts to relieve my pain. Having intimate moments with him and making love to him again was much more beautiful because he has seen the best and the worst of me in this birthing process. And not only, also the years before the pregnancy, but especially the birthing process. He has seen everything from me, and it was very liberating so I could really be myself without being afraid of how I look, how does he see me, this was all not important. It was not in my head. And I really hope that what I'm sharing now is inspiring you.

And if you have any of those fears, maybe you will see and hear a different perspective and will be much more open to welcome the changes which are coming with pregnancy. It's like incredibly beautiful transformation, which happens. And as a woman, I feel just a better woman. Like my son makes me a better version of myself.

And as a woman, as a lover, I feel more confident and more complete and it's just a gift, I think. And it's true that I had a really, really beautiful pregnancy. Many of the challenges physical, emotional or mental some women face during pregnancy, I did not experience. I think that to a certain extent, we have also influence on how our pregnancy goes and I have been blessed with amazing support.

I had two doulas during my pregnancy and during my birth. One doula was supporting me during my pregnancy. And she's an ayurveda doula and she helped me take care of my body and adopt a healthy routine and lifestyle, stay active, advise me on food, on supplements, intake on teas, on activities, massages. Ombretta, I love her. I will share her details under these video. She was in Amsterdam and I was traveling to see her, but I was living in Rotterdam and I needed a doula for during the birth. And for this I had another doula, Sophie, who was amazing and I will share all about my birth process in in another video but I wanted also to mention that I had another doula.

I think that we should use much, much more support than what we are normally using, just to make sure that we get the best out of this journey. And yes, many things just happen to us and we don't have control over. But when it comes to our body, to the way we feel, to the way we think, to the way we see the birthing process, the pregnancy … there are things which we can do to feel better, to be positive, to really experience it in a beautiful way. And I'm going to share all of this in in my video about the birth process. Thank you so much for watching and I hope that this this brings you some inspiration and positive perspective. Thank you.

My pregnancy management guide?

You can get an overview of the books I've read, the mobile apps I was using, the movies I've seen, the supplements I was taking, a list with (free) online resources, and maybe most importantly my daily routine to take care of my body and my mind during my pregnancy.

Yes, please!

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