This morning, Rogier noticed my empty menstruation cup bag and asked me if I had my period. When I confirmed, with a big smile on his face, he said, “You should tell me when you have your period right away, so I know to be more careful with my jokes.”
Oh, I loved it! He is so thoughtful and spirited! In the years we’ve been together, he saw me bursting into tears or getting fired up seemingly “for nothing,” and he has learned that around my period, I am more sensitive. He needs to be more patient and more gentle with me.
Having a man who loves you and respects you is the BARE MINIMUM for a relationship! How about having someone who understands you, who is there for you, who gives you stability when you are extra sensitive, who is considerate of your emotions, who is a generous lover, who takes care of both young kids on Sunday morning so that you can have an extra hour of sleep, who makes you laugh, who makes you coffee and cooks dinner for you, who trusts you with his credit card…
How do you build such a relationship?
Well, it starts with loving and accepting who you are. Don't feel shame nor guilt for your emotions and thoughts. Act from your heart and in integrity with your values. We are our worst judges, and we allow the outside world to treat us badly or disrespectfully because we (subconsciously) believe that we deserve it. We say “this is enough,” and we move away from a relationship ONLY if the other person crosses a boundary and makes us suffer MORE THAN WE THINK WE DESERVE. But many, many people (especially many women, because of the patriarchy) have a high level of tolerance for bad attitudes towards them, due to their own inner self-critique and self-punishment.
The second thing is to be vulnerable and authentic with your partner and to express what you feel, what you need, and what you want. This doesn’t mean that you are always going to get it, but when you stay transparent and honest, you are helping your partner get to know you better and navigate you more skillfully. Until you are only showing him “the pretty side” of you and what you think he might like, you are interacting with a mask, and this connection will always feel empty and unfulfilling.
And third, use (part of) your energy to nourish your partner and your relationship. The feminine is the powerhouse of the relationship. She is the trigger for love, for intimacy, and for change. If you are not intentional and let your relationship go with the flow, it is just a matter of time until what you have built together starts to crumble and fall apart.
We go very deep into all these steps in my new program, Relationship Reboot. This program is first and foremost about the relationship with yourself. You also learn how to become the irresistible invitation so that you feel seen, desired, and experience more intimacy and better connection with your partner. The doors of Relationship Reboot will not be opening for another few months, but you can already get on the waiting list so that you are the first one to know when you can join.