Have you been in a love triangle?
I have. Actually I’ve been on all sides of a love triangle. No matter in which position you are in, I can tell you, a love triangle is an intense place to be in… Fear, jealousy, shame, sadness, anger, lost of identity, guilt, regret, anxiety, mistrust, insecurity, excitement, vibrancy…
And yes, no matter how happy you feel or how good your relationship is, you are NOT protected. None of us is.
While generally the reasons for the men to cheat are different than why women cheat, there is one thing which is very common for both genders – the person who is going for an adultery is not just attracted to a new (third) person, he/she is actually more attracted to whom he/she becomes when he/she is with the new (third) person. Often people who are unfaithful, in the act of infidelity describe themselves feeling younger, bolder, spontaneous, free, finding their own self, discovering a new side of them…
How can a long-term partner compete with this? And even more challenging – how can an exhausted, busy, working mom compete with this?
The truth is that you can prevent cheating but it is definitely not about living in fear nor checking his phone. Here are my top 3 recommendations:
- Work on yourself. Cultivate self-love. Create a stable self-care routine and pay attention to your needs and to your desires. Spend time on your passion and on your strengths. Nothing makes you more sexy (especially to your partner) then being radiant, fulfilled, confident and in your groove.
- Pay attention to your relationship. Give it priority. Craft regular quality time together (watching TV doesn't count!) to connect, to feel, to see and to appreciate each other, to stay curious for each other, to experiment, to be playful, to contemplate what you have built together. Passion and intimacy are key!
- Give him the whole spectrum of your feminine energy – the wild, the crazy, the sensitive, the sensual, the demanding, the carrying….learn to embrace and express all sides of you. The most attractive thing for the masculine, is a new expression of the feminine energy. For example, you might be an amazing mother, a successful career woman, a carrying partner and a generous lover…but when he gets in a bar and he sees a waitress, who is unburdened, bold and even a little bit crazy…this turns him on, because usually he doesn’t have access to this type of feminine energy. You are not expressing (anymore) this side of the feminine spectrum. It is important to mention that it is not about pretending to be something you are not. It is about learning to give space to all emotions and expressions of your femininity that arise in you. Despite the many responsibilities you have, if you create time and space for yourself and for your femininity, you will have moments when you feel wildly alive, daring, free...If you surrender to the moment and allow this energy to move through you, if you express it the way you feel it (maybe with words, with movement, with sound, with your behavior...), you are basically offering to your man a wider spectrum of the feminine energy and he will be less curious to experience variety somewhere else. Check the video below for more about the different feminine energies.
On all these 3 points we are going deep in my program “Relationship Reboot”. It is designed for moms who want to rediscover their feminine-confident-sexy self, so that they experience more intimacy and passion in their relationship!
If you prefer to read, here is the transcription of the video:
Hello! Today we are going to talk about what can you do to prevent a man from cheating. And why I am talking about it, is because I get this question a lot. And around 75% of the women I am working with basically say that they are afraid that their man will cheat on them or they have experience with a man who is cheating. Or on a question "What would you change about men?" I have many women answering something along the lines of "their need to be with more than one woman", so let's look a little bit into this topic.
First of all, it is true that men do cheat or many men do cheat, but just like women, there are many women who cheat as well. But my first important point which I want to share with you is that men are NOT animals and they can discipline their attention to not hurting you, to avoid hurting you and to protect and preserve what you have built together.
So this is my first message. Don't put all men behind this big generalization "men cheat" and know that they have the capabilities to not doing it, to stop doing it, to discipline their attention.
The second thing is that our thoughts and our emotions, our believes and the story we hear in our head very much determines what happens in our life and what we encounter in our life. So, if we are afraid that we will get cheated on, then we will attract a man who is cheating. So working on your mindset and on your believes and your fears is key to prevent you attracting such a man.
And the third and most important point I have for you is WHY MEN CHEAT? Men are attracted to different energy, so basically a man will be attracted to energy he is not in contact with right now. So, if you are a woman in a relationship and at home you are taking care of your home, you are cooking, your kids, your work, you are very busy, there is a high chance that you are very strongly in your masculine energy and your man going to have a lunch somewhere, sees a waitress who is very flowing, very joyful, could be even a little bit crazy, communicative, smiling, laughing out loud. This is a very distinctive contract between what he has at home and what he sees somewhere else. So he is immediately attracted to this different energy. And as women, it is super important that we are as authentic and as honest as we can be, but especially when we are in a relationship, if we want to prevent our man being attracted to other women and pursuing this attraction, what we want is to express the whole spectrum of energy which we have. Because when we connect to the feminine in us, the feminine in us is flowing, it is just connecting to the world and we feel everything, we sense everything. We cannot always understand what and why we are feeling it, but our emotional state changes constantly and we can be quickly happy and sad and angry and enthusiastic, but basically there is this constant flowing of emotions, we are going in between throughout the whole day.
What many of us do, we cut some of those emotions and states, as "not good" ones. When I am angry I don't express it or when I am sad, I don't have time to be sad and we push through. The thing is that what makes us attractive to our man is our energy. And more of the whole spectrum of energy we display, more attractive we are to him. So following a model of the perfect woman and trying to fit in this model actually limits us a lot and pushes our man in the arms of other women, who display different type of energy.
So how do we prevent our man from cheating is really connect to yourself, connect to your heart, to your emotions, to your feelings, to your sensations and flow with them. Feel what is happening in you and express it. I am not saying that you constantly need to talk or changing emotional states, but don't surprise your anger, don't surprise your sadness or your joy. Just express everything which is there in a kind and respectful way for your partner. But really, your authenticity and the going through the whole spectrum of emotions and energy makes you really attractive .
Each of us has moments when we feel crazy. Crazy angry or crazy happy or super enthusiastic about something. Express it! Jump, dance, express what you feel. Each of us has moments when we are aggressive, when we feel like "if I get my man now, I can literally hurt him". Don't suppress this energy, but instead of trying to hurt him, squeeze his butt, instead of his neck. Show him this part of you, when you feel aggressive, jealous, bitchy, or whatever it is. All those emotions, all those states, find a way to express them in a not hurtful and respectful way for the other one.
What is respectful way, it is see where your partner is. Is he able to take that. Don't overthink. It is not about thinking, it is sensing this. Can you just go grab him, how spontaneous can you be? See where he is and come from your heart. The emotions, the energies that you feel, go and express them from your heart. Provide him with a whole spectrum of diverse energy.
You are emotional, innocent, happy, sad, angry, you are able to say no, you know what you want, you have expectations, you've stated them clearly. You are also very carrying, you are taking care of your home, of his dinner. You are there to support him when he has a challenging moment at work. You are also very sexy, you can seduce him. You can be innocent and less innocent. Step into this diverse energy which you have in you. Each of us has that. You can see a beautiful actress on the tv and if you see that he is attracted to her, get attuned to her energy. Next time when you are having sex with him, get in the energy of the actress and play it out. You know your man better than anyone, so you can display all those energies for him and for yourself, to be authentic, to not surprise anything, but also to keep him for yourself. This is your man, right?
I hope this was interesting and useful! Thanks for your time