I’ve asked my beloved Rogier what attracted him to me (if you didn’t know, we were working together for years before we started dating) and his answer was “I was very impressed by how every time you enter a room, the people in the room change and start to smile more”.
To be honest, I’ve never really paid attention to it. I haven’t even noticed it. For me, this was the norm. And I guess this is the case, because in general I am a positive, smiling person. I have an insatiable curiosity about people, and I love to truly see them and listen to them. But maybe most of all, I have an ever-present flirting attitude. When I was 16, I’ve started working as a waitress during my school vacations and very early I’ve noticed that when I am flirting with my clients, my tips are way higher. So, I’ve been literally practicing flirting for the past 20 years.
AND NOW I WANT TO SHARE THE SECRET WITH YOU, BECAUSE THIS IS A POWERFUL PRACTICE AND A WAY OF LIVING WITH HUGE LIST OF BENEFITS.
Please, keep on reading even if you are in happy relationship, and you are not flirting with other people or even if you don’t feel confident to flirt and are avoiding it or even if you think that this is not matching your morale principles. Believe me, it is worth it.
But let me start with what I mean by “flirting”.
It is NOT about:
- Trying to seduce someone
- Trying to get yourself noticed
- Trying to prove yourself (or anyone else) anything
- Trying to get something out of the person/conversation
It is all about being:
- Authentic and feminine,
- Open and responsive,
- Curious about the other person,
- Joyful, smiling, playful (as the opposite of serious), light-hearted
- Fully present in the conversation (not somewhere in your head thinking about your response or about what you will be doing next)
- Kind, relaxed (instead of rushed), warm, welcoming, enjoying the moment
And you are not flirting only with someone you are attracted to, but also with your elderly neighbour, with your mother-in-law, with the bakery person, with your friends, with your colleagues, with your family ….with everyone and with everything!
“FLIRTING WITH LIFE” (how I call this practice = this way of interacting) is about attention, not about intention!
So, you are probably asking yourself, why am I even talking about this. Well, it is because of the incredible benefits that come along. Flirting with the world:
- Helps you build beautiful and strong relationships.
- Keeps your vibration high because you are showing up in your best version.
- Increases the positivity and happiness around you because you are kind, friendly and attentive to people and they get affected by it.
- Increases your confidence and your self-esteem, because you get to know the effect you have on people, when you are bringing the best of yourself in the contact with them.
- Is a great practice to get comfortable with flirting and with receiving compliments. For everyone who is single and searching, this is precious skill.
- Helps you get what you want, because people just naturally want to help you.
- Attracts good positive people around you. (but also less good and less positive people too, so you need to have clear boundaries, but this is a topic for another email).
- Helps you to create a very pleasant community around you. Wherever I live, I quickly get in touch with the local people from the stores and every time we meet we have a pleasant, friendly interaction. It makes me feel at home and belonging, even in the heart of a busy city.
- Makes you feel more hopeful and optimistic, because you focus on the good and you notice how good the people are, how happy each day can be, if you just start with a genuine smile.
- Improves your mood (because you focus on the other person and not on your inner dialog)
- Gets you in your feminine energy because you need to get off your head, in order to connect with the person in front of you.
- It feels great, you really feel alive, vibrant, less serious, more joyful.
As you see, this is a pretty impressive list...
Important: Nine out of ten times when you smile (genuinely), you will get a smile back. However, there will be people/moments when you will not get a smile back. We all have bad days. Don’t take it personally, don’t judge the person and don’t give up on your “flirting with the world” practice.
Where to start from: from your next interaction, with whoever it is. This is my challenge for you today! Flirt with the world! Smile at people, start small talks with them, give them compliments, try to feel who they really are, have an authentic, genuine human interactions with them.
If flirting for you doesn’t come very naturally yet, don’t worry. Just give it a try with someone “neutral”. What I mean is, don’t begin with the handsome guy from your gym. Try with someone you don’t feel attracted to and just interact with them from a place of kindness and goodness. Share a little bit of your happiness with them.
And no, don’t try to fake it. If you really don’t feel like it today, give it a try tomorrow, but don’t postpone it too much. Get out of your comfort zone and discover the effect you have on everyone you are interacting with from a place of kindness, genuine curiosity, and playfulness!
Good luck and have fun!
P.S. One of the readers of this blog post has reached out to me, sharing her experience of being open and flirty, which led to few bad experiences with men who have perceived her kindness and her playfulness as an invitation. She has asked me for an advice on how to find the balance.
If you have similar concerns, maybe this additional part will be helpful.
The good balance comes from:
- Connection to your body and to your intuition. If you don't feel comfortable around someone, remove yourself from there.
- Clarity on what you want and firm boundaries instead of thinking of how the other person will feel/what they would think. Don't make compromises with the way you want to interact with someone and the way you want to be treated. Be clear and explicit on this. Staying kind doesn't mean permissive. Walk away without hesitation. "No" is a "no" and don't allow anyone to try to make you feel guilty, ashamed or to talk you away of what you feel is right.
- Discernment. For example, passing by a dodgy neighborhood and being open and flirty is simply unwise. Feel into the environment and the people you are with. Discern if it is safe for you to be playful or it is better to stay cautious.