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Why the passion after kids dies?

3 September 20233 mins to read

In the program "Relationship Reboot" we work in depth with bringing your feminine confidence and reigniting the intimacy in your relationship after kids. For more details click here!

Relationship After Kids

Use this very insightful quiz to check the health of your relationships and the levels of passion between you and your partner since you became parents.

Take the quiz

If you prefer to read, here is the transcription of the video:

Hello. Today, I want to talk to you about the reasons why the intimacy and the passion decrease after the children are born. Many of you might say, “Oh, but that's natural. This is because we don't have time” or “Oh, but my attention is not on the relationship anymore and this is why we don't have that much passion or intimacy with each other” While all this might be true, this is not the main reason why the relationship or most of the relationships suffer with lack of intimacy and passion after the kids are born. The real reason is a little bit kind of the invisible. It's underlying and it is because of what we have seen as children in the relationship of our parents.

00:01:02 If you think about the home where you grew up in, how was the passion between your parents shown or expressed or manifested? If you grew up in a family like mine and like most people's families, my parents or not on top of each other, constantly kissing each other or staying playful with each other. No. What I've seen as a child or were busy parents, they were a little bit irritable. They were impatient. Even though they loved each other, I never saw my father kissing my mother passionately. When he kisses her, It’s on the cheek or quickly on the mouth and somehow on some subconscious level, this for me stayed as is how it's supposed to be. I know that they love each other, and they respect each other. Till today, 40 years after they've been married, they're still together and they're happy together. I like to think that. Still, I've never seen in their relationship how passion is and how passion is maintained, even though there are kids.

00:02:24 So, most of us, haven't seen this from our parents. We also haven't been dealt how to keep the fire burning. Even if there is a spark between the two partners in the relationship, it is not really visible to the kids. So, this is the reason why many people think that this is supposed to be. This is how relationships are. The wild times are over the moment you have kids. Well, that's not necessarily the truth. And it doesn't need to be this way. Because in my relationship, this is not the case. And in the relationship of the woman, I'm working with, I see how this is transforming and how from a relationship that looks dull and boring, suddenly there is fire and spark again and intimacy and connection and passion between the two partners.

00:03:38 I can tell you that it is really possible to bring this back in your relationship. What I'm trying to do myself is to show it also to our kids. We have a son and a daughter. I make sure that when Roger and I, we meet at the end of the work day or when we are just together on Sunday morning, that we exchange a good kiss or that, playfully, I will just slap him on the butt, or that we will gaze at each other's eyes and that when we walk outside, we are holding hands or when we are walking, we’re hugging each other.

00:04:27 So, I like to show it. I like to demonstrate it not for the world outside, but for my kids, for our family, because we are the foundation of this family. And I want to give a good example to my kids that, you know what? Even though the kids are there and even if the mass opinion is that the passion is gone, this doesn't need to be the case. You can enjoy deep connection, fulfillment, happiness and passion in your relationship.

00:05:04 So, my invitation for you is:

  • Think about the family where you grew up in.
  • Think about what you have seen.
  • What you have learned about love, passion and about connecting with each other?
  • How do we relate to each other? Compare it with what you are experiencing now in your relationship? Are there similarities?

00:05:37 This is a good inquiry exercise: a way to really see where your relationship is - also looking backwards. You can also set the goal:

  • How your relationship could be
  • How you would like it to be
  • What would make you happy and fulfilled in this relationship.
  • How this looks like. So, look back, see where you are now and then set some goals for the future.

00:06:12 And if you want to check the status of your relationship, how healthy it is and the passion levels between you and your partner after the kids have been born, take the quiz down below this video. Thank you for your time.

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