My first full time job was as a border police officer – yes, with an uniform and a gun. As you probably imagine, this is a very masculine profession. There are strict rules, regulations and code of conduct. There is no room for creativity, feelings, nor for connection (especially not between a police officer and a civilian).
After that I moved to IT and I’ve spent 13 years managing teams and big international projects in the fin-tech industry. Again, a male dominated area. So, how to stay feminine in such environment?
At the beginning of your career when you are new and still insecure at your professional skills and talents, usually you follow closely what and how your more experienced (male) colleagues are doing. At this stage, what helps to stay connected to your feminine is:
- Your curiosity and enthusiasm about the work
- Your vulnerability and openness to ask questions and ask for help
- Your willingness to follow someone else’s lead and example
More experience you gain, more comfortable you will get with experimenting and finding your way of doing your job. This is a good opportunity and an opening to invite a stronger presence of your femininity into your profession. In this period personally I have changed few leadership styles - from authoritarian control freak (very masculine) to affiliative, coaching and transformational (much more feminine). And naturally for me, the more gentle, people empowering and team trusting way of working resonated better with me and I found a good balance between my masculine tasks and my feminine way of executing them. I could be playful with what I was doing (NOT WITH THE PEOPLE!), experimenting with new ways of approaching my work. I started using my intuition and applying creativity in my job, which distinguished me from my male colleagues and helped my career accelerate.
Then you reach the state where you are an expert in your domain. This usually happens in your 30s+, when you have gained also more personal maturity.
In this stage, the key to being feminine is your FEMININE CONFIDENCE. It manifests as:
- You identify as a woman. You take good care of your well-being and your appearance. You choose clothes and makeup you feel beautiful with.
- You embrace the whole of who you are – the bright and the dark, the shallow and the deep, the kind and the fierce….
- You trust your emotions, your intuition, the signals you read from in-between the lines when you communicate to people, to give you additional and valuable insights
- You connect strongly with your body – you feel the pulse of your womb, you love your yoni, you accept the shape of your body, you enjoy the sensual flow within your body
- You are intelligent, experienced and on top of your game. You know who you are and what qualities and talents you possess. You feel free and independent.
- You are not striving for perfection. You know you are not perfect, but you are still enough. You feel self-love and you treat yourself with respect.
- You trust your team and you are creating an environment supporting creativity, spontaneity, playfulness, connection, joy and experimentation
- You are comfortable with following the leaders you respect, but you are truthful to yourself (not to your ego, but to your heart) and you do what feels right according to your inner compass.
- You are kind and supportive (in general, as a person), but you don ’t let stereotypes influence your work. Despite the fact that you are a woman, you won’t be the one cleaning up after everyone, if this is not your job.
- You don’t compete with men and you don’t do your work “the masculine way”. Instead, you are skilfully combining your feminine and your masculine gifts, adapting to the ever-changing environment.
- You know your own value and you work without exhausting yourself, trusting that the right things happen at the right time, keeping a good balance in your life (also when it comes to your health and relationships)
Now, because most working women are not grounded in their feminine and/or they connect with a more shallow expression of the feminine, they attract “sticky” attention. In order to not distract their colleagues and to avoid complications, the women often cut their feminine energy and keep themselves in a state of asexuality. It is like having a lunch with a male friend – with him you are sexless, you don’t express your feminine to not provoke sexual attraction. Being in this state for longer periods (a whole workday month after month) harms the feminine health and your love life.
If this is your case, there are few things you can do (best is combining them):
- As much as possible, surround yourself with girlfriends. In a group, women multiply their femininity. We merge together, which is really beautiful and nourishing.
- Work on connecting stronger with your feminine energy and being more stable residing in it. I have a training coming about it. Read till the end!
- Tune into your heart. Is your profession what you truly want? Is there anything else that will be more fulfilling and recharging?
While to a certain extent, I am still part of the corporate world, my focus shifted from management and leadership to coaching. In coaching I am connecting stronger connecting to my feminine - I use my wisdom, my intuition, I am feeling into another person, I use my creativity…
If you are stable in your feminine, the masculine energy around you will create a strong polarity and will help you go deeper in your feminine – to feel stronger the connection with your body and your sensuality. Just feel it and let it nourish you. DON’T act on it. Stay clear from flirting with your colleagues and demonstrating your sexuality. This might lead to you lose their respect and not being seen as equal or professional.
In your career, staying feminine goes hand-in-hand with carefully discerning who you are sharing your feminine gifts with. I enjoy being surrounded by masculine energy, but I choose to share my most precious feminine gifts only with my partner.
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