“Is this the man of your dreams”, asked me a girlfriend referring to Rogier when we’ve moved from “dating” to “in a relationship”. “Yes, he is, but I didn’t expect him to be like this.” I said and I had to explain.
Rogier was a colleague of mine. We were not living in the same city. I wanted a mature man, while he was (and still is) 3 years younger than me (somehow I was imagining a mature man, being older than me). His hobbies were not attractive to me. He is coming from a different cultural, social, and religious background. He had a very different way of perceiving the world and of dealing with challenges.
All these made my mind rebels. I would hear in my head “You are incompatible”, “He is not what you want”…
But then, when we were together, there was something special happening.
He was super present. His attention was zoomed in into me, noticing the smallest change in my posture, facial expression, emotion. I felt seen and recognized. My whole system (body and mind) could relax in a new way for me. I was feeling safe. It was like I knew that I don’t need to be in control, like without words he was saying “I’ve got this, babe”. He was so contained and my curiosity to know who he was, was dragging me deeper into him. His presence and my openness made possible for us to connect deeply and to truly see each other.
We didn’t pretend. We didn’t play roles and wear masks. The man I saw then, is the one I see in front of me today. And I think that he can say the same about me. It was honest and vulnerable interaction. And for me, the WOW was, the depth of this authentic and deep connection.
After few hours together, I could sense that my Vata has decreased. (This sentence is for the Ayurveda lovers). My skin was smoother, my body relaxed and full of life, my mind was in a calm state, my heart was generous and trustful.
I was in love, but without losing myself.
I was joyful, light and at the same time grounded. I had a very distinctive feeling of stability and safety.
I remember how I said to myself that this is a completely different level of relating and that even if with Rogier it doesn’t work out, I will not settle for anything less that this way of connecting.
And yes, when we were not together my mind was rebelling that he was not the man I was dreaming about.
This is a classic example of the risk that the ideal image we’ve built in our mind, can sabotage our happiness. We create those images based on what we’ve seen and what we know, but this is so limiting in comparison with the diversity life has to offer to us. We can discover this well of abundance, joy and love only if we find the courage to trust our heart.
So, my mind was unhappy, but my heart, my body and my feminine side were blooming. I’ve let the curiosity of how deep the rabbit whole goes lead me, and I gave myself permission to explore this relationship, even though my mind was against it.
This allowed our beautiful adventure to continue. And for this, I am truly grateful.
So, if you are out there, torn between the limitations of the ideal image in your head and what your heart/your body says, give a chance to your heart. The secret to your fulfillment is in it. It knows your path better than your mind.