On our first date, he had a gift for me – a pair of beautiful, elegant earrings. Oh, I so much loved his gesture! I could feel how nervous he was when he was giving me the box. Probably he was asking himself “Was it not a mistake to get a gift on the first date?”, “Will she like what I chose?”
I found it so admirable and courageous that without an occasion and without knowing me that well, he has chosen jewelry for me.
Men nowadays are too cautions with buying gifts and paying the bill, because “women are emancipated”. They don’t want to offend the woman nor undermine her independence. In the Netherlands most of the time, on the first date, the bill is split between the two or they decide that he pays now and next time - she pays. You see, many people think that it needs to be equal…
I don’t like 50/50 when it comes to romantic relationships.
It is great that women have reclaimed their voice, found their strength, use masculine qualities, make money, can be independent… This is super important. However, this also brought them extra loneliness.
I believe that a little flavor of tradition, brings him more into his masculine, and her - into her feminine. This increases the sexual attraction between them, strengthen the emotional bond and builds a more stable base for a relationship.
In our case, when we started dating, for the first almost two months Rogier was the one paying the bills. And let me tell you, this is a very healthy way to start a relationship.
When I am working I can use as much masculine qualities as I need to. When we are together, I relax, and I trust him. I am safe. I don’t need to be in control anymore. I don’t need to prove my value.
I don’t need to project independence for him to respect me. He is a smart, high-quality man. He is attracted to my strength, not intimidated by it. He invites my vulnerability, doesn’t shy away from it. He wouldn’t spend a minute with a shallow, weak version of a woman.
Don’t get me wrong. We both work for our relationship, but the effort is in spending more quality time together, staying open and attuned to each other and connect truly & deeply.
To the men who read this, here is my challenge for you: on your next date, bring her a gift. Something you are comfortable with – a chocolate bar if you want. Show her how special she is. Be grateful for her time and company. Your attention and effort will pay off multiple times.
To the women: Ladies, I am inviting you to experiment with being a lady and allowing the man who has invited you out to pay the bill. You do deserve that!